Hollywood writing is always what I have dreamed about. Then I moved to Hollywood and actually did it. The joy of pursuing what you love and then making it happen is always the best feeling on earth. What isn’t the best feeling? When you hit a rough patch. Better known as not writing. Or called the places you work for shut down and leave you stranded. Never prepared for and not always pretty, it’s brutal reality that happens to everyone in some capacity. You don’t have to be writing about celebrities and get the rug pulled out from under you. It could be a job as a waitress, a doctor or even a plumber. Change sucks when you aren’t ready.
The worst part has to be the next step. Or should we call it life after the rug is missing? Either way, it’s the obvious change seen by colleagues, former coworkers and even friends who appear to be questioning your every move. Or are you projecting such attitude? Either way, it’s felt in your soul. Your new beginning goes either one or two ways at this point. You either suck it up and find something else. Or you are left in shock, pain and disappointment looking for another opportunity in the same vein. Dream busting, with the intent of others forcing change in your life, should be a crime. Hollywood writing or should I say a Hollywood writer, has those same emotions too.
Rarely do I get so personal on my blog, but then again, my voice has been stifled for a while. The depths of my soul ache as I try to navigate this world. I am lost in engaging with others who recognize me for nothing more than standing there for their convenience. It has harbored quite a storm from my inner child. Bringing home little to nothing after trying so hard has my adult version of me freaking out too.
Is Hollywood writing my path? I’ve had to really grapple with things lately. However, I’ve never questioned this side of life. I’ve seen my list fill up with things I can’t do. Like drive a golf cart or individually glue on stones to a t-shirt. Or even make coffee (apparently after a long string of complaints this weekend, I was told I am completely inept with my coffee making skills). In a rarity, I had a line for coffee AND then a longer line for complaints about the free coffee.
I remember the first time I figured out words. It was a joy. Just like it is a joy to write today. There has been nothing ever quite like it actually. My fingers pound with delight as I recognize that I have a voice. It was the voice I lost as I was left in the storage unit for years abused as a child. It craves to be heard and to be part of the bigger picture and has always been the only safe place that I desire to be. My childhood cast a heavy shadow on life and it lingers still today. Writing is the way I am an adult without having to apologize about not understanding the real world. Exploring and learning, writing made it acceptable to learn more and be aware of our society.
It’s all about the Voice
It is my voice that offers opinion on things today. I can be heard when I want to make a change in our world. And my voice gives me a chance to make a positive impact on others. Words are something that can’t even be beaten out of me (and lately a few folks really have tried to see if this is possible). It sticks with me like a label on a glass bottle. Even if you soak it off, there still is a stain that never departs.
As for the rest of those things I can’t do, I’ve decided the world will get by. There is a Starbucks literally on every corner in Los Angeles and professional caddies who will drive a golf cart anywhere you want to go. I can no longer forsake the words and I know it. Those symbols saved me as a child and I love all 26 of them like family. We are all sticking together to make words and be happy.